cum sa fi manelist in cativa pasi simpli
Manele is one of the most popular as well as one of the most fucking retarded music genres in Romania today.
Many Romanians hate the music and wish it to be banned.
The song 1. Accordion (gypsies must have a big smile on their mouth with shining gold teeth inside) 2. Bad organ 3. Blowing instruments (big mouth gipsy with thin moustache is a must) 4. Synthesizer drums – sample sound: ta ran ca tan ta ran ca tan 5. Saxophone (only if the song gets meowy – preferred phrases: Haililiii, Hauliuuuu)
2. Voice 1. Optional 2. Reverb 3. Echo 4. Must-have foreign accent
3. Originality is optional
4. The song have same rhythm (usually short cut from a success song), any change can make the singer lose it.
2. Mandatory lack of culture, and IQ below the sea level.
3. Must own: limo , castle with lots of little towers and a logo with your name on the roof, faraoanca/campioană (a kind of queen, but more slutty weighting more than 500 pounds) and boraci (puradei, Romanian word for gipsy children/intestinal parasites). Any manelist must be a king or Earl like… Liviu Mare Ban de Corabia (i.e.: Liviu Great Earl of Corabia).
4. Family in jail, and relatives living under a bridge, in cardboard boxes
5. Look 1. Having inscriptions such as like “69 Puta Madre” and don’t know what it means. 2. If over 35 years wear a big mustache and smile much like famous Vali the Storm (Vali Vijelie) and Nicholas Gutza (Nicolae Gutza). 3. Jewelry: lots of it , bling , gold necklaces, gold bracelets, gold rings (more than 50% of total body weight)(must weight at least 10 kg), really big gold coins (salbe) 4. Haircut: 2 parts hair gel, 1 part hair; usually the more challenged sexually of the manelisti adopt a seemingly punk hairstyle by shaving the sides of their heads; however this symptom must NEVER be confused with the punk hairstyle, as in the manelisti it’s just a cry for help coming from their sexual difficulties (“au pula mica” translated in romanian); they just want to look like big cocks so they wear a creast; other manelisti with iq’s below -50 shave their heads entierly, leaving only a little bit (“un smoc futut” in Romanian) just above their foreheads 5. Hair Color: black, preferably with strange shapeless plague-like yellow stains 6. Clothes: flashy and tasteless. Must have black, white or pink shirt, ciocate, cowboy hat, vest or cape and white sox; somewhere on the wardrobe MUST be a flashy inscription citing: “Gigolo Italiano” and a price anywhere between 50$ and 200$ representing the value (valoarea) of the manelist wearing it. 7. Having a voice and style that says : Proud to be gay 8. Having a “tan” skin is a plus(gypsy style), but sometimes is a minus, because you’ll have to turn on your camera’s blitz to take them a photo. 9. It is quite trendy for a “cocalar” or manelar futut şi retardat or cioară împuţită şi analfabetă (endearment of a manelist) to wear white clothes head to toes to stress the colour of his skin, and to damage the retina of the people coming by so they wouldn’t see how he throws dirty money at the fiddler’s feet performing a ritual in which he repeats the words “fara numar”(countless) extensively
!!!!!!!!!!!! WARNING !!!!!!!!!!!! If don’t not have Indian-Arabian-black apparency and your not a gypsy or gypsy type of guy then your manelist career will be OVER so get a tan really quick and start acting like a total cool guy repeating the “fara numar” expression to your family and all friends.
City: Bucharest(Caution…use anti – gipsy spray)
Interests and Hobbies: Half of my life is music, and the other half is torturing idiots.
Movies and Shows: Save private Ryan, Lotr, Bruce Almighty, Evan Almighty..
Music: Sonata Arctica, Luca Turilli, Rhapsody, Manowar, Haggard, Rammstein, Children of Boddom, Dimmu Borgir, Samae, Moonspell. Judas Priest, Candlemass, Iron Maiden, Monnsorrow, Finntroll, Soulfly, Sepultura, Satyricon, Nightwish, Within Temptation and many more
Books: Da Vinci Code,The Broken Code of Da Vinci, Digital Fortress, Angel and Demon, The Conspiration, Great Expectations, Desert Rats